When I was a child, I remember doing all I could to make this a positive day for my Mother. I knew that my mother was a little uncomfortable with being "celebrated" for the great mom that she was/is. What I did not fully understand is the the pressure that each mom feels on this day. When I became a
mother myself I began to understand a little better why that is. For me, it has more to do with my personal assessment of my skills as a mother. Mother's day has been a day where I take stock on how I measure up to the mom I wish I were--you know the one being portrayed at the pulpit during church.
I recognize that the people who talk positively about their mom on Mother's Day are well intending, but each time I hear of these great moms, and their sacrifices--"always read me a story before bed" or "who cooked me breakfast every morning" or "listened, talked and drove me everywhere", I think about all the stuff that I am not doing as a mom. (Do people really getup and cook breakfast for their kids? Yes, some really do!) And then as my mental assessment deteriorates into a list of everything I lack, so does my attitude regarding celebrating all my "motherhood greatness".
From a distance, it is easy to be more logical about how others measure up as a mother. In fact I would argue vehemently, that each child receives the mother that God intended for them, good/bad habits and experiences with their mom included. I would point out that when we are diligently trying to be a "good mother", that we ARE succeeding. In conclusion, I would state that when we are prayerfully trying to do our best for each of our kids, that I believe we are inspired, and placed in situations to make a difference--even when we are unaware of this phenomenon. Lastly I do know that when it comes to my kids, God looks out for them too. If there is something that they need for their eternal progression he will see that they get it, regardless of the imperfections of their mother.
So you ask, why is it that I continue to struggle with how I measure up as a mom? Because I truly care about how each of my kids lives their lives, and I want to help them succeed--not stunt their growth. But truthfully we can never know the impact we have on someone until we are looking in the rear-view mirror at what has happened. So how do we proceed, not knowing if we are measuring up, and feeling inadequate?
My friend was telling me about a personal assessment that she does every year with regards to her career and life plan. It dawned on me that perhaps measuring ourselves against others will never bring us peace--nor success. Alternatively if we measure ourselves against our own desires and realistic expectations for one's self, I might have a shot at it! I submit the following for your approval. This Mother's day let's make a list of 5 things you have done well (specific incidents--or tasks). Things that you do that are in the "good mom" category Be honest, we all have things that we know we are doing well. (Notice I did not say PERFECT)
Then make a very short list, perhaps one or two things that you think you WANT to write in the "good mom" category If you could be a little better at something, set a goal to be a little better, but don't berate yourself, or lessen the impact you are having on your children right now. Next, simply set a goal to do one task a week to make that happen for next year's assessment. Make it a do-able task. Let's say you want a closer relationship with your teen. The task could be to turn off the radio when driving him/her to her practice one day a week and ask questions about their day. Let your desire to be "better" activate you rather than deter or depress you.
Instead of celebrating the "lack of all you do", I challenge all of us to celebrate that short list of what we do well as mothers this Mother's day!
Since this is my blog, I will start. Here's mine:
"Jennifer's Good Mom" list for 2013
I spend time in helping Gavin's classroom almost every week
I encourage Tiffany to choose if she wanted to commit to swimming for a year, and now I help reaffirm her commitment now that it has been made.
I keep the pantry stocked with Gatorade, and Power bars--for the a fore mentioned activity.
I help Gavin with homework almost every school day--for 20-60 minutes
I talk/text Jocelyn and Marissa at least once a week and tell them at least one thing I think they are good at/or succeeding with.
I almost always stop what I am doing to answer a phone call from my kids
Now that you've read my list, I challenge you to comment in and add your list of things in your "good mom" category for this year.
Now my fellow moms, let's vow to celebrate Mother's day differently this year. Remember the day is not about giving you exactly what you want in the way you want it. Nor is it about celebrating the "perfect mom" (She doesn't exist!)
Allow yourself to celebrate womanhood, to teach your children to respect and honor motherhood, and to acknowledge the good that each Mother is doing--most importantly the good you (and I) are doing.
I recognize that the people who talk positively about their mom on Mother's Day are well intending, but each time I hear of these great moms, and their sacrifices--"always read me a story before bed" or "who cooked me breakfast every morning" or "listened, talked and drove me everywhere", I think about all the stuff that I am not doing as a mom. (Do people really getup and cook breakfast for their kids? Yes, some really do!) And then as my mental assessment deteriorates into a list of everything I lack, so does my attitude regarding celebrating all my "motherhood greatness".
From a distance, it is easy to be more logical about how others measure up as a mother. In fact I would argue vehemently, that each child receives the mother that God intended for them, good/bad habits and experiences with their mom included. I would point out that when we are diligently trying to be a "good mother", that we ARE succeeding. In conclusion, I would state that when we are prayerfully trying to do our best for each of our kids, that I believe we are inspired, and placed in situations to make a difference--even when we are unaware of this phenomenon. Lastly I do know that when it comes to my kids, God looks out for them too. If there is something that they need for their eternal progression he will see that they get it, regardless of the imperfections of their mother.
So you ask, why is it that I continue to struggle with how I measure up as a mom? Because I truly care about how each of my kids lives their lives, and I want to help them succeed--not stunt their growth. But truthfully we can never know the impact we have on someone until we are looking in the rear-view mirror at what has happened. So how do we proceed, not knowing if we are measuring up, and feeling inadequate?
My friend was telling me about a personal assessment that she does every year with regards to her career and life plan. It dawned on me that perhaps measuring ourselves against others will never bring us peace--nor success. Alternatively if we measure ourselves against our own desires and realistic expectations for one's self, I might have a shot at it! I submit the following for your approval. This Mother's day let's make a list of 5 things you have done well (specific incidents--or tasks). Things that you do that are in the "good mom" category Be honest, we all have things that we know we are doing well. (Notice I did not say PERFECT)
Then make a very short list, perhaps one or two things that you think you WANT to write in the "good mom" category If you could be a little better at something, set a goal to be a little better, but don't berate yourself, or lessen the impact you are having on your children right now. Next, simply set a goal to do one task a week to make that happen for next year's assessment. Make it a do-able task. Let's say you want a closer relationship with your teen. The task could be to turn off the radio when driving him/her to her practice one day a week and ask questions about their day. Let your desire to be "better" activate you rather than deter or depress you.
Instead of celebrating the "lack of all you do", I challenge all of us to celebrate that short list of what we do well as mothers this Mother's day!
Since this is my blog, I will start. Here's mine:
"Jennifer's Good Mom" list for 2013
I spend time in helping Gavin's classroom almost every week
I encourage Tiffany to choose if she wanted to commit to swimming for a year, and now I help reaffirm her commitment now that it has been made.
I keep the pantry stocked with Gatorade, and Power bars--for the a fore mentioned activity.
I help Gavin with homework almost every school day--for 20-60 minutes
I talk/text Jocelyn and Marissa at least once a week and tell them at least one thing I think they are good at/or succeeding with.
I almost always stop what I am doing to answer a phone call from my kids
Now that you've read my list, I challenge you to comment in and add your list of things in your "good mom" category for this year.
Now my fellow moms, let's vow to celebrate Mother's day differently this year. Remember the day is not about giving you exactly what you want in the way you want it. Nor is it about celebrating the "perfect mom" (She doesn't exist!)
Allow yourself to celebrate womanhood, to teach your children to respect and honor motherhood, and to acknowledge the good that each Mother is doing--most importantly the good you (and I) are doing.
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