Encouraging Our Kids to Reach For Their Dreams

Last year, Tiffany and I attended a meeting with her school academic counselor.  Prior to arriving we had filled in her academic and career goals on the planning sheet we had been given.  She had listed "doctor" as her professional goal.  (Tiffany scored high in science and math on a standardized test at the school a week prior to our meeting which suggested a medical area, so this was a logical and practical deduction...or so I thought.)

Tiffany and I had previously discussed AP classes, trying to fulfill most requirements before she takes the ACT, and scheduling a pretty easy senior year--if possible.  I expected the counselor to look over our schedule, be pleased we had done our homework and dismiss us.

As soon as we sat down the counselor pulled up Tiffany's grades and academic testing profile for the past 5 years.  I am not exaggerating when I say she was in the 95th percentile on all of her assessment testing since they began testing her in the 3rd grade.  She has a solid 4.0 GPA, is in every honors and advanced class she could possibly be in for the 8th grade, and has been reading on a 12th grade level for 4 years.   Suffice it to say she is not someone who struggles academically.  After reviewing her scores the counselor looked directly at Tiffany and said, "So you like medicine, and it appears that in the test we did last week, you would do well in that field."  Tiffany and I nod and smile.  Then she added, "You know that you don't have to go to college to work in the medical field.  You could become an EMT, Phlebotomist, or a surgery technician with just a year or two of a technical school."

While I think these are worthwhile occupations, this is Tiffany we are talking about.  She is 14 years old, you just looked at her TEST SCORES and GPA, and her mom is sitting supportively next to her.  Why would you encourage her to be anything less than she wants to be or could be?

I quickly say "Do you see a reason why Tiffany should not pursue being a doctor?"
"Well," the counselor responds, "sometimes students dreams are unrealistic, either because of financial or academic reasons.  We like to be realistic and concentrate on what the kids can really accomplish."

I look over at Tiffany.  She looks a little deflated, so I determine to make sure that Tiffany understands she is capable of it.  (I should interject here that I really don't care what Tiffany chooses to study.  I just don't want anyone to put the idea in her head that she can't be whatever she makes up her mind to be!)

I respond as politely as I can.  "What do you think the GPA and test scores are of someone who realistically would go to medical school?"  She looks again at her screen and says "Well, if Tiffany wants to be a doctor it appears that she could do that.  But she doesn't need to go to college to work in the medical field.  I am just trying to give her all the information."

"Well," I say "I think it is a safe assumption that Tiffany will go to college.  Both her parents and grandparents attended and graduated from college and it is something that is important to our family.  With her GPA and test scores I believe that she could even get a scholarship.  Could we base her next 4-years of high school classes on the assumption that she will attend a 4-year University?" 

Fast forward to this past week.

We attended a large parent/student meeting.  The schedules, requirements, and 4 year planning sheets were handed out to each student/parent.  Then a power point lecture ensued declaring the minimum requirements for graduation, class requirements for most colleges, and requirements for some Utah scholarships.  At the end of this presentation the counselor (a different one from last year) says "I guess you have to ask yourself where you want to go with your life.  If you want to go to college, you should take four years of math, but if you want to be a professional skate border you don't even need to graduate from high school."  I gasp, and look around the room at the other parents that appear to be just as surprised as I am that this came out of a counselors mouth.  He continues, "Just hone your skills in whatever you decide you want to pursue.  Now, I can see the parents looking at me and thinking that I shouldn't tell you that.  But it is true. And I will always tell you the truth. "

SERIOUSLY?   Is this the truth?  What happens if your a professional skate boarder and you want to-- let's say balance your checking account, schedule your gigs, or market your cool t-shirts and videos?  How would you know how to do all that without a high school diploma, let alone a college degree?  What if you fall and break something and can never skate again?  You should always finish high school!  And I believe there are many reasons why you should also get a 4-year degree.

Which leaves me asking.....When did we stop encouraging our kids to be all they could be?  To dream and then find a way to accomplish that dream?  And what happens to all the kids whose parents don't/can't show up to these meetings to contradict the cynicism of the counselors who are encouraging our kids to do the minimum--or less.  Even if your kid was struggling with school, why would not encourage him/her to graduate from high school?  Why wouldn't you try to inspire them to reach beyond what they think they are capable?  Am I out in left field here?  Or do you also see the role of the school counselor to "Guide and Encourage"?