Please comment. I am wanting to get your take on what a ward should be....EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE. :)
Found myself in the middle of what seems to be a common conversation for LDS people in Utah. Whether your ward is a "good ward". I am sure because of the proximity of the wards, it is easy to compare. If you love your ward, I don't object to you saying it. It is when you want to criticize or complain that I begin to feel uneasy.
"We live in the best ward." one of the sisters I visit teach remarks during our last visit. I inwardly cringe a little because I know from previous conversations that my companion does not feel the same way. We have not an hour ago had a conversation on the topic at our previous sister's home.
"Yes." I add. "We do have a great ward. It isn't perfect by any means. But I think the people really care about each other and have good intentions." I won't bore you with the back and forth of this particular conversation, but in summary everyone did not fully agree.
One of the sisters made a good point that our ward has a lot of "go-getters" or leaders. A fact that can be intimidating to people who are not. I agree with this. However, while there are a lot of great leaders, each one of them also has their weaknesses. And simply couldn't one of those weaknesses be that you aren't good and seeing and including others? Or that you don't budget your time well? Or that you focus so intently on your calling that you miss inviting others to your home for a casual dinner?
I know, I know your thinking I am letting these people off too easy. We should all strive to be better and seeing and loving each other. But shouldn't even the "weak feeling" member also have a role to fill in making a "great ward"? Allow me to share a personal story.
A few years ago, I had a friend that was going though a hard time. She actually left her home and went to stay with her parents--in town-- for a few days. When I heard, I offered to help the husband with some carpools and bring in a dinner to cover a little while she got a break. I was unable to reach my friend, although she was communicating with her husband. I respected her desire for some rest and space.
Another friend offered to help me with the dinner. On the night that we were taking in dinner to the family, my helper friend calls me and says she has spoken with our distressed friend and is going to visit her after we take dinner to her family. I comment that I want to go with her. There is hesitancy in her voice, and I question why. In the end, she tells me that she believes I will depress our friend even more by coming. In short, that because I have always been the "super woman" that I couldn't possibly understand what our friend was going through.
I am not going to lie. I was deeply hurt by this comment. Not only had I felt depressed and alone before, but also my "friends" had no idea who I really was. They saw me for my actions, and for the persona that came dressed in my Sunday best to church. If they really knew me, they would know that not only would I not judge, but I have been there myself. And I would not hesitate to love, pamper and help them carry their burdens --without judgement.
I am sure this is the long way of coming around to my point here. I think we often miss-judge people. In church we talk about not judging others. Perhaps people think this is only concerning thinking bad of someone. I believe it can also be in assuming the good. So that we truly never understand and know each other.
How does this relate to our wards? Shouldn't we focus on getting to know and love the people in our wards? Instead of focusing on the fact that all the members of the stake presidency come from my ward, shouldn't we be focusing on how we can make every individual in our ward better. The inactive, the widows, the single parents, the families that are struggling financially--and more--all are in need of our compassion and help. Does this not include accepting that even these great leaders are not perfect, but men and women with faults, frailties and weaknesses and help them too?
In essence shouldn't every ward we are in be the best ward, because we have truly learned to love, know, accept and help our fellow ward members?
5 comments:
I disagree. I think when you are weaker you need more help and it is the responsibility of your ward to help in you. We should focus on helping others. What makes a great ward is everyone pulling to help the weaker members. That is how it benefits the stronger ones. Not by picking out their faults.
Anonymous, are you saying that people who appear more competent shouldn't get as much of a break from judgement as anyone else in the ward? I would strongly disagree.
People who are willing to get out and make their mistakes in FRONT of the group should be given as much or more slack than people who have private difficulties.
It's a common saying that 20% of the people in the ward do 80% of the work. Maybe this is why. There are only 20% willing to put themselves out there, knowing that they will be even more harshly judged than people who do nothing.
I think everyone in the ward deserves to be helped and rallied behind. Not just the weaker members.
Great post!! I've got a lot to say on this but typing on my phone is painful. My current ward has a huge amount of leaders and go getters in it. We have supplied the last four and current stake presidents multiple singles ward bishops and the lions share of stake callings. We have 20ish doctors and 12 dentists and many other professionals and a very socially active ward. A very strong and active ward Yet with all that some how we feel excluded on many levels. We moved in five years ago and feel like outsiders still. Is it their job to make sure people are included? I'm not sure it is. I don't consider myself a weaker member, I'm active, I hold a busy calling that I am committed to. Socially there are per existing circles or clicks that have been impossible to crack but I'm not sure that makes it a bad ward does it. If I don't fit in it is more of a reflection on me than on a strong ward right?
I agree with anonymous that the weak need help and in helping the strong get stronger. Randi is right that those who put them selves out there deserve the benefit of the doubt most.
Interestingly I would say a good ward is one that is most like the city of Enoch right? One heart one mind. Most concerned with each others well being. Most selfless and most dedicated to each other.
One of my beloved granddaughters who is RS president in her college ward seeks to find a job for every sister. She has called sisters to be greeters. They are charged with learning everyone's name and greeting them at all RS meetings and events. Can you see all the possibilities of this calling for those who are called, and for those they greet. Quoting this wise beyond her years young RS pres. "Everyone needs a job and to feel the love of their Heavenly Father". As a councilor in my RS I will suggest we do the same thing. How nice to have someone know your name when you walk through the door. Even in a ward with 100 sisters. Thanks Sweetie for the great suggestions.
Great post!! I've got a lot to say on this but typing on my phone is painful. My current ward has a huge amount of leaders and go getters in it. We have supplied the last four and current stake presidents multiple singles ward bishops and the lions share of stake callings. We have 20ish doctors and 12 dentists and many other professionals and a very socially active ward. A very strong and active ward Yet with all that some how we feel excluded on many levels. We moved in five years ago and feel like outsiders still. Is it their job to make sure people are included? I'm not sure it is. I don't consider myself a weaker member, I'm active, I hold a busy calling that I am committed to. Socially there are pre existing circles or clicks that have been impossible to crack but I'm not sure that makes it a bad ward does it? If I don't fit in it is more of a reflection on me than on a strong ward right?
I agree with anonymous that the weak need help and in helping the strong get stronger. Randi is right that those who put them selves out there deserve the benefit of the doubt most.
Interestingly I would say a good ward is one that is most like the city of Enoch right? One heart one mind. Most concerned with each others well being. Most selfless and most dedicated to each other.
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