Meeting Shawn--First Date Part 2

(Continued... read Meeting Shawn -- First Date)
As I turned to leave the dining room table where we had been chatting for more than an hour, Shawn asked me if I wanted to go skiing with him the next day.  I smiled, and turned him down politely saying I had studying and settling in to do.  I didn't see him again until Monday.  It was a holiday, there were no classes and I slept in.  I came downstairs about 11:00am to find Shawn sitting at my table, AGAIN.  I smiled and during our "You, again?" conversation he asked me if I wanted to go to lunch.  Being that I was hungry and it was nearing noon, I agreed to go.  "Your paying, right?" he countered adding a sly smile.  He couldn't know yet that I saw this retort as a challenge, and I told him I'd be happy to pay.

He asked where I wanted to go, and as it has become our pattern, I told him to choose the place.  He found a phone book and started going through the yellow pages. He teasingly found the most expensive place in town, trying to get me to concede that he would have to pay, and said he wanted to go there.  This strengthened my resolve to hold fast to my promise to pay, and I agreed to take him if that was where he wanted to go. (At this point I would have rather eaten Top Ramen for a month than eat my pride.--yes I was a stubborn girl.)

Good news for me, the restaurant was not open for lunch.  Instead we ended up at the Training Table where we ate burgers and cheese fries with dipping sauce. (Which has become a family tradition.)  Although Shawn admitted during our lunch that he had always intended to pay, I still insisted on paying in the end.

In retrospect, we learned one of our first lessons about each other on this first date.
I learned that he would always look out for me--even a few steps ahead of where my focus would be, and care for me.  I like to think he learned I would honor my word, even when it was difficult and not as I anticipated.

Afterwards, he asked me if I wanted to do something else. Our lunch had been surprisingly fun, but I had a "date" with my Grandpa Kimball and needed to check in on him.  Shawn offered to take me, and wait in the car if I wanted him to.  I explained Grandpa's health issues and invited him along.

When we arrived at Grandpa's house, I introduced Grandpa to Shawn, and he showed us to the living room.  Grandpa's first question to Shawn was "Where did you serve your mission?"  (Not did you, or have you served a mission.)  Shawn answered "Guatemala."  I hadn't known that of course, because I had only known Shawn for a few days. As he spoke fondly of the people he served and the hardships the people of Guatemala overcame to join the church, my heart softened a little and I got a glimpse at the depth within Shawn.  Over the course of the next 30 minutes, Shawn proceeded to answer the same question "Where did you serve your mission?" three different times.  Even on the third time through the questioning, there was no hint of sarcasm, or impatience on Shawn's part, and well, I was impressed.

I knew as we got back into Shawn's car that there was more to him than conceit and money.  The way that he treated my Grandpa, the way he spoke about his mission, and the way he looked to the future, were characteristics that I valued in a man.  More than that, there was a connection I felt with Shawn that was --for lack of a better word--unusual.

After we left Grandpa's home, Shawn drove us up to the bench overlooking the city.  We got out of the car and looked at the city lights below.  I have always loved the stars and the lights of the city, and this was especially beautiful with the newly fallen snow.  It was very cold, and after a small snowball fight, we retreated to the car.  It was here that I fell in love with ......his car.  (You thought I was going to say with Shawn.  :))  To this day I have not been in a car with a better heater or A/C than that Jetta!  To end our first date, we went back to my apartment.  I offered him some Mint Magic tea and Mandarin oranges from a can.  (I let him have his own can--he was the guest after all.)

Looking back, especially as a parent of girls who are approaching these eternal decisions, I can see that it was odd that the connection between Shawn and I started so early.  I believe most often people reveal their true colors through time and experiences.  We may tell ourselves that we would never do something--let's say yell at your child-- however until you actually are in that scenario, you can't say for sure.

I had just come out of the longest relationship I had ever had and had purposely planned NOT to focus on dating any one guy.  Shawn had dated many, many girls.  He was handsome, fun, unusual, and had money to spend dating.  In fact, as we continued dating I was surprised several times to get back to his apartment and see notes for him, or girls waiting in his apartment complaining that he hadn't called them back.  His roommates razzed him continually about focusing on "just one girl" and made bets on how long it would last. There were plenty of girls that he could have dated and whom wanted his attention.

(Jocelyn mocks me when I say this next thing.) When you first meet someone both of you are on your best behavior.  Your manners, attitude, willingness to compromise, it is as good as it gets.  Both Shawn and I agree that more time you spend dating, and having various experiences with someone, the better.  We counsel our girls to see their possible spouse in all kinds of situations before marrying them.  How are they when they are tired, stressed, disappointed, happy, interested, determined, depressed?  How do they interact with their family?  Their siblings? Their co-workers? The people who are in charge of them and the people they are in charge of?  And then how do they act when YOU are all those things?  Do they help? Get mad, retreat, placate, or soothe?  What are their goals for their future and for YOU as their spouse?  Where do they want to live?  How many kids do they want to have?  You might think you know the answer to all these questions, but you should outright ask the questions.  And then you also should realize that the answers to those questions are bound to shift and grow as you live, experience and adapt over time--but in the least you know where you are beginning.

However, even the best laid plans, and careful, prayerful consideration do not guarantee a happy eternal marriage.  Twenty-three years later,  I can see the evidence of Heavenly Father's hand in my life--directing me towards my best possible future.  I can't say that everything has been easy, or perfect.  However, looking at the incredible experiences, and my four beautiful children it is hard to imagine anything greater than this life I have been given with Shawn.  I have learned things about myself, about my loving Heavenly Father, and about loving one another during our life together.

I am grateful Shawn could see more in me than the prideful, stubborn girl that he met in those first few days, and that he liked Mint Magic tea and Mandarin oranges.