Friends

My first recollection of a friend would be my cousin Brent.  We hung around a lot as kids, played in the dirt, made ramps to jump our bikes, played space ship in holes of dirt.  (A lot of fond memories) Then when I was about 9 my family moved to Evergreen and I no longer could run down the street to play with him.

Instead I was accepted into a group of about 9 girls at my elementary school.  They were the movers and the shakers of the 5th grade. (Surprising that I got in that group...right?)  However rumors about, a slumber party I didn't attend in the 6th grade helped me determine these girls were not who I wanted to be like.  Four years later this group of girls comprised the drinking, playing and sleeping around girls of my high school, so I don't consider that a huge loss on my part--in fact a huge blessing.

I was kind of inducted into another pack of friends in the 7th grade.  In the Evergreen ward we had about 35 young men and young women.  To my recollection the group of youth got together at least once a week to do something together--movies, dances, and impromptu parties.  Because my older brother Todd was in the group, and had to drive me around, I was grandfathered into this group of friends.  As the group of friends graduated, left on missions and to college, the numbers dwindled down, and the "getting together" did as well.  By the time I was a junior in high school most of the original group was gone and I was on my own to "make friends".

I knew kids in my classes--I have never been shy-- I managed to find a locker partner each year, (thank you Tia and Cheryl) and someone to sit by in class, but didn't ever have one best friend or group of friends after that. I was busy with work (that I started after lunch each day because of my light class schedule), and was on a dance team in Denver, so I didn't go to football games, or attend school sponsored activities.  (BTW -I have ZERO desire to attend a high school reunion, I am sure they are all nice people, and very friendly.)

Which brings us to today.  If you were to ask me "Are you friends with ________?"  My answer most likely would be yes.  No matter who it is.  Especially with Facebook, it is easy to count people you know of, or people who know who you are, as friends.  But If you asked me who I would call to go to Sonic, or get fro-yo on a spur of the moment (or every Friday at 2--Randi!), I wouldn't know where to start.

I love my running partners and a couple years ago I would have said they were the friends I could call, but they have busy lives with work, and family and are not as available as they once had been.  I don't really socialize with them outside of running--heck I don't socialize.

Now I don't say this so you'll feel sorry for me.  I know a lot of really wonderful, nice people in my neighborhood and ward and I think I could probably call them if I needed help, I just wouldn't.  And is that wrong? I have told many women I was their friend, and they could call me anytime they needed, dolling out my cell number.  And I really do mean it.   They could share how they felt about anything, and I would keep confidences, and reinforce them, love them, think about them. 

I used to make friends based on my church calling or my kids friends/carpools.  (It would be strange for me to ask one of Marissa's friends moms to be my friend, right?)

Of course my best friend, Shawn, works and has a really demanding wife so he isn't really available for say an occasional fro-yo trip during the day.  He also doesn't really want to chat with me about my new pins on Pintrest, or about my new strategy for cleaning the house.  And my sisters (I include sis-in-laws too)--so rudely--seem quite content to go to Sonic in their own state with their own "friends".

So why is it that I am a 43 year old woman with no "friends"?  And what is the trick to having one? (Do I have to be nice all the time?) Am I supposed to have "friends" that I go do things with-- other than my family?  (I certainly feel like my family are my friends.)  Should my friends be other couples that Shawn and I could go on double dates with?  What pool would I choose a friend from?  What would be an appropriate amount of time to spend doing friend stuff? (Cause shouldn't I be cleaning, or preparing my lesson, going to the temple, or serving someone?)  Any thoughts?  Come on, there are only 3 of you.  You're all going to have to comment.  :)

Mosquitos In the Garage

We were on our way out to the car when Gdog informed me that our garage door was scratched on the inside. 

"Really?" I asked closing the garage door so I could see the scratches.  "How exactly did that happen?"

"Well" he said "maybe at night when we shut the door and turn out the light the mosquitoes can't find their way out, so they scratch the door." 

"Oh, okay" I reply.  "So it wasn't your bike crashing into the door?"

"No, I am pretty sure it was the mosquitoes.  Maybe if we leave the door open they can get out and don't get frustrated."