I used to be the mom who was worried about the dirty faces, a spill on a shirt and sitting still during sacrament meeting. Of course I still love a clean, reverent kid, but no longer is that at the top of my priority list. I am not sure if this is a bad or good thing really....possibly more of a coping mechanism.
Instead I shoot for polite, respectful, happy and curious. This means that jumping over the couch, mixing shampoo and body wash into his own concoction in the shower, and chasing--but not tackling--girls on the playground is permitted.
So in times of embarrassment and frustration I remind myself that I want Gavin to look back at his childhood and remember a mom that laughed instead of yelled. The "fun mom" mantra helps me remember that my goal in being Gavin's mom is to encourage his curiosity, reinforce his positive sense of self, and keep him alive to be stitched up another day.
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Friday, February 03, 2012
Mantra "Independant and Strong"
For the first year that Jocelyn was gone to college I obsessed and worried about how she was doing. Was she making friends? Did her teachers like her? Was she able to communicate with her dorm mom? Her roommates? I couldn't email her teachers, fix her roommate issues, or find her good friends. My desire to be involved and to assist her in solving her problems was more appropriate for a high school student --not a college student. Shawn had to remind me that this was her opportunity to do things on her own, make her own mistakes and learn lessons from her own trial and error experiences. My desire to take over didn't help her become the independent and strong woman that we knew she could be.
When she went to Florida and did an internship with Disney World the summer after her freshman year at college, circumstances made it impossible for me accompany her and get set up for the summer. I realized, from my nail biting vantage point, that she is far more capable and strong then I allowed her to be when I step in and "help".
So now whenever I have the urge to dive in and fix/rescue I repeat the mantra "Independent and Strong". It helps me remember that she is that, and I want to facilitate it by allowing her to rescue herself.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Mantra: In The Pool
When Tiffany began swimming I would ask her when
she finished an event if she gave it everything she had. The first couple
times she responded "I probably could have swam faster, I was just
trying to save it for the last couple laps because I didn't want to slow down." She was new to swimming and simply didn't want to wear herself out in the beginning of the event. Since then, with practice and coaching, she has learned to pace herself at a quick strong pace that she knows she can keep.
At meets she and I began a little exchange. As time approaches her event start, she is standing near the platform waiting for the official whistle. From my spectators seat I mouth "in the pool" and point to the water. She smiles, nods, and mouths "in the pool" back to me pointing to the water.
She knows to pace herself at a quick, strong pace and then with that last flip turn, surge the length of the pool with every ounce of strength she has left. She and I joke, that if she has no energy to pull herself out of the pool, her teammates can drag her body out.
It is really fun to see her swim this way. Most participants surge in the beginning, and lag a little in the end. But Tiffany comes out strong and ends in a surge of energy. I am sure this strategy is one of the reasons she is one of eight freshmen in the 3A High School State Swim Meet for the 200 IM event. Go Tiffany!!
This mantra applies to so much more than just swimming, we should give our best effort in every aspect of our lives. But this doesn't mean 100% all the time. If Tiffany swam her very fastest pace on the first 50 meters of her 200 meter swim, there would be nothing left for the last 25 meters. Such it is with life. We pace ourselves at a good strong steady swim, working hard as we go. Then at key points our "life swim" we have more in us to surge and give a stronger push through our trials. After those lengths when we are required to give it everything, we can look back and see that surprisingly it was enough to carry us through.
At meets she and I began a little exchange. As time approaches her event start, she is standing near the platform waiting for the official whistle. From my spectators seat I mouth "in the pool" and point to the water. She smiles, nods, and mouths "in the pool" back to me pointing to the water.
She knows to pace herself at a quick, strong pace and then with that last flip turn, surge the length of the pool with every ounce of strength she has left. She and I joke, that if she has no energy to pull herself out of the pool, her teammates can drag her body out.
It is really fun to see her swim this way. Most participants surge in the beginning, and lag a little in the end. But Tiffany comes out strong and ends in a surge of energy. I am sure this strategy is one of the reasons she is one of eight freshmen in the 3A High School State Swim Meet for the 200 IM event. Go Tiffany!!
This mantra applies to so much more than just swimming, we should give our best effort in every aspect of our lives. But this doesn't mean 100% all the time. If Tiffany swam her very fastest pace on the first 50 meters of her 200 meter swim, there would be nothing left for the last 25 meters. Such it is with life. We pace ourselves at a good strong steady swim, working hard as we go. Then at key points our "life swim" we have more in us to surge and give a stronger push through our trials. After those lengths when we are required to give it everything, we can look back and see that surprisingly it was enough to carry us through.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
A Week of Mantras
"So what makes a good mantra? One that's short, positive, instructive, and full of action words. An effective mantra addresses what you want to feel, not the adversity you're trying to overcome." After reading this definition in the Runners World article I realized that I already have some Mantras.
In celebration of my epiphany with Mantras I am planning on posting a Mantra a day this week.
It could be interesting....right? I would love to know some of yours too. So think about it and comment!
Chris Young has a song about listening to the voices in your head. I really like the song. Click on the link below to hear it.
Voices by Chris Young
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Arise and Shine Forth
The theme for this year in Young Women is Arise and Shine Forth. In YW on Sunday we presented the new theme. The YW President turned off all the lights, but one lamp she had brought from home. Then she had all the Laurels share a time when they stood for something that was right. They each shared a personal experience, and as they spoke they turned on a light that they held.
One girl paid for her movie ticket when all her friends went into the theatre without paying. Another asked her friends to change the music when she heard the artist swearing. Another spoke of asking a date to take her home when she became uncomfortable at a party. Another of standing and bearing her testimony.
Marissa talked about drawing her "line" that she would not cross and making an exit strategy in case she comes up to that line. I like the idea of deciding how you will act before you get into the situation and people and specifics complicate your choice. Kudos to Rissa.
As the girls spoke the light in the room got brighter and brighter. For the last 15 minutes of the class three leaders shared stories from their youth. I shared a story from when I was a sophomore in high school. Since my journals from this time were filled with mostly a travel log about who was where and what they said, I thought I should record somewhere the experience. (Before I forget more of the details of the story.)
Sabrina was a pretty, new girl at my school. She attracted the attention of many of the boys that I knew and hung out with. One boy in particular really liked her. It was Brad, a boy who I had liked for over a year and who had become a good friend of mine. Truthfully, I was hoping he'd be more than a friend, but when Sabrina arrived his attention was diverted to her. Brad ended up dating her a few times and soon they became a couple. Noticing my disappointment of the recent loss-of-boyfriend development, I had friends who began saying bad things about Sabrina in an effort to make me feel better. I didn't stop them because I was hurt, and the idea that there were some people didn't like her was somewhat comforting to me.
One day walking down the hall at school I overheard some boys saying some critical things about her. Later I saw Sabrina crying. I stopped to talk to her and try and make her feel better. She was crying because of the mean things that were being said about her. I realized then, listening to her, that by not saying something when my friends had said mean things, I was essentially saying those things too. I decided to start defending her, and began willing myself to say something kind about her when her name was brought up. It was a little awkward at first. Most of my friends couldn't understand how I could be nice to someone who had "stole my boyfriend". But I looked for ways to be nice, and kind things to say imagining that she stood beside me as I spoke.
Sabrina and I became "friends". I use the quotes because we never really hit it off and spent a lot of time together. I invited her to play volleyball with our ward in an effort to get to know her a little better. (Let's face it I was scrounging to find something nice to say.) She and I went to lunch a couple times until she made friends of her own, and the high school gossip circle moved onto the next victim.
As we finished sharing our stories, the light in the room was bright. Not just the physical light, but also the spiritual light. It made me think that possibly--even now-- my light should be less about me and instead more about seeing if there are others who may be in need of something that I could give--allowing my light encompass and help those who surround me, just as the light in the room did.
One girl paid for her movie ticket when all her friends went into the theatre without paying. Another asked her friends to change the music when she heard the artist swearing. Another spoke of asking a date to take her home when she became uncomfortable at a party. Another of standing and bearing her testimony.
Marissa talked about drawing her "line" that she would not cross and making an exit strategy in case she comes up to that line. I like the idea of deciding how you will act before you get into the situation and people and specifics complicate your choice. Kudos to Rissa.
As the girls spoke the light in the room got brighter and brighter. For the last 15 minutes of the class three leaders shared stories from their youth. I shared a story from when I was a sophomore in high school. Since my journals from this time were filled with mostly a travel log about who was where and what they said, I thought I should record somewhere the experience. (Before I forget more of the details of the story.)
Sabrina was a pretty, new girl at my school. She attracted the attention of many of the boys that I knew and hung out with. One boy in particular really liked her. It was Brad, a boy who I had liked for over a year and who had become a good friend of mine. Truthfully, I was hoping he'd be more than a friend, but when Sabrina arrived his attention was diverted to her. Brad ended up dating her a few times and soon they became a couple. Noticing my disappointment of the recent loss-of-boyfriend development, I had friends who began saying bad things about Sabrina in an effort to make me feel better. I didn't stop them because I was hurt, and the idea that there were some people didn't like her was somewhat comforting to me.
One day walking down the hall at school I overheard some boys saying some critical things about her. Later I saw Sabrina crying. I stopped to talk to her and try and make her feel better. She was crying because of the mean things that were being said about her. I realized then, listening to her, that by not saying something when my friends had said mean things, I was essentially saying those things too. I decided to start defending her, and began willing myself to say something kind about her when her name was brought up. It was a little awkward at first. Most of my friends couldn't understand how I could be nice to someone who had "stole my boyfriend". But I looked for ways to be nice, and kind things to say imagining that she stood beside me as I spoke.
Sabrina and I became "friends". I use the quotes because we never really hit it off and spent a lot of time together. I invited her to play volleyball with our ward in an effort to get to know her a little better. (Let's face it I was scrounging to find something nice to say.) She and I went to lunch a couple times until she made friends of her own, and the high school gossip circle moved onto the next victim.
As we finished sharing our stories, the light in the room was bright. Not just the physical light, but also the spiritual light. It made me think that possibly--even now-- my light should be less about me and instead more about seeing if there are others who may be in need of something that I could give--allowing my light encompass and help those who surround me, just as the light in the room did.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
And That is How Home Teaching is Done
We were assigned new home teachers this past month. Whenever we have a change I cringe a little. People who don't know Gavin, well, seem to either think he is hilarious and intelligent, or destructive and distracted. In truth, he is some of all that. He also can be a little overwhelming to people who have calm, quiet children, who sit and listen when others talk.
Jeff and Jonathon (the 14 yr old son of Jeff) found us in the hall at church and asked if they could come over for a visit. I was pleasantly surprised when they arrived at out home with, not only the Ensign, but also a small book to share with Gavin. They went around the room asking each family member to tell what things they were involved in and give them an idea about what they liked. Gavin repeatadly interuppted and shared things about the family.
"Marissa, where do you work?"
"She works at Anti-gravity" Gavin blurted out.
Then Jeff would look at Gavin and ask "Does she like working there?"
Gavin would answer "I don't know" and Jeff would say "let's ask her."
Each time as Gavin would interrupt, he would look at Gavin and acknowledge him, and include him in the conversation. He did this with impressive skill.
Jeff began the lesson by talking to Gavin. "Do you know what a Nephite is?" The rest of our family is already prepped for the cacophony of answers that might come forth. I thought, Jeff has no idea. I look over at Marissa, her face is guarded but with a hint of humor, waiting for the inevitable unusual answer.
Gavin responded "A Nephite is a person who serves God." Oh my goodness! An appropriate answer. Not really what he was looking for, but appropriate. We should end this here and call it a win, but alas Jeff was only getting started.
A few questions later we reach the question "Gavin, what night do you have family home evening?"
"We have family home evening every night." he answers. I smile because we do have FHE on Monday night very regularly, and Gavin really enjoys it so this should be a good conversation.
"Well, is there one night that you gather in the family room, sing a song, have a lesson?" Jeff furthers his question trying to spur on the desired answer.
"No, we don't do that. My dad is really busy."
Jeff and Jonathon (the 14 yr old son of Jeff) found us in the hall at church and asked if they could come over for a visit. I was pleasantly surprised when they arrived at out home with, not only the Ensign, but also a small book to share with Gavin. They went around the room asking each family member to tell what things they were involved in and give them an idea about what they liked. Gavin repeatadly interuppted and shared things about the family.
"Marissa, where do you work?"
"She works at Anti-gravity" Gavin blurted out.
Then Jeff would look at Gavin and ask "Does she like working there?"
Gavin would answer "I don't know" and Jeff would say "let's ask her."
Each time as Gavin would interrupt, he would look at Gavin and acknowledge him, and include him in the conversation. He did this with impressive skill.
Jeff began the lesson by talking to Gavin. "Do you know what a Nephite is?" The rest of our family is already prepped for the cacophony of answers that might come forth. I thought, Jeff has no idea. I look over at Marissa, her face is guarded but with a hint of humor, waiting for the inevitable unusual answer.
Gavin responded "A Nephite is a person who serves God." Oh my goodness! An appropriate answer. Not really what he was looking for, but appropriate. We should end this here and call it a win, but alas Jeff was only getting started.
A few questions later we reach the question "Gavin, what night do you have family home evening?"
"We have family home evening every night." he answers. I smile because we do have FHE on Monday night very regularly, and Gavin really enjoys it so this should be a good conversation.
"Well, is there one night that you gather in the family room, sing a song, have a lesson?" Jeff furthers his question trying to spur on the desired answer.
"No, we don't do that. My dad is really busy."
Traffic Feed
